When you write an article that’s related to relationship like this one, you are bound to receive a lot of topic-specific emails or comments with many people wanting to learn more about relationship issues. In a weekly magazine that I write for, I do receive numerous enquiries regarding my opinion on relationship column. Most of these emails are about genuine relationship concerns while some are outright gross.
Recently, I did receive an email from a lady who enquired whether it was appropriate to inform her friend that her husband was secretly cheating on her. The lady claimed to have enough evidence-though she did not elaborate. I was tempted, in fact compelled by my natural instinct to tell her to proceed and reveal it to the friend (I mean, that’s precisely what I would do if I was in her shoes). Furthermore, that’s what I would expect of my best friend to do for me.
The Burden of Truth
It dawned on me that the ‘telling it out’ to the friend was not as simple as it sounds. For one, you need to provide tangible evidence. So what was it? Did the lady find her friend’s husband with another woman sipping a drink? She would also be asked to provide evidence if she saw them walk into a lodging or, whether she saw them holding hands. Talk of walking the tight rope-this is it!
Well, perhaps she saw them holding hands; so what? Have you at any one time felt like the best way to communicate a point effectively would be through some kind of body language? (Forgive me because that sounds as lame as a duck-even to me) although holding hands is never counted as evidence unless the body language proves otherwise.
Di you say you saw them enter a lodging? Now, come to think of it; seeing them walk into a pub or lodging isn’t so cool, but maybe they were going to meet a friend who is an employee in that lodging or perhaps they were going to meet someone to seal a deal on a business opportunity.
You know as much as I do that many things do take place in a lodging-good and bad, including illicit sex. Or do you still insist that seeing them taking a drink is enough evidence? I am inclined to say no. According to me, the most innocent of the three alleged evidence is having a drink. For one, there may have been a third party involved who was yet to arrive or had already left the scene. Furthermore, do you know of anyone who has never shared a drink with somebody of the opposite sex who’s not necessarily a lover or a prospective one?
Sampling evidence in such matters is an extremely delicate affair. You need to nap them in the act or capture them on camera while at it. There are a number of reasons for this:
- Word for word: If and when asked to table evidence, it will be your word against his.
- Change of heart: Your good friend may opt to support her husband for two reasons: One is because she trusts her man and secondly, she might conclude that girls are malicious. For these reasons, your friend may decide to dump you in the ‘malicious recycle bin’.
- Intruding Suspect: Your friend might actually suspect you of being jealous of her marriage and that you want to scuttle it. If she does, that would surely be her husband’s defense stronghold when confronted.
One thing that’s very crucial to consider prior to breaking the news to her is-with or without tangible evidence you should be ready to end your friendship-yes, with your best friend. After all, the truth will certainly set you free; although that new-found freedom might set you free- away from your dear friend.
Some people around you may not believe that you were the bearer of the bad news. Since they are just but human (bound to err), they have to look for somewhere to direct their anger. That “somewhere” might turn out to be you. They may not hate you then, but later on and every time they see you, they will be reminded of a bad incident in their lifetime. Surely, it won’t be business as usual anymore.
Try recalling a relationship which you thought was abusive. Ever wondered why some people still go back for more? To all of us, is it really an easy option to make while someone is making hell out of your life? I tend to be inclined to believe this: That whenever two individuals have shared a bed for quite some time, it would be next to impossible to separate them. So, if your best friend chooses to side with her husband in the “threesome”, will you feel comfortable sticking around when they get… mmm… lovey-dovey?
Lastly, if you choose not to tell even when armed with concrete evidence, what friend would you make of yourself? Will you be comfortable living with yourself and with the truth well within you? I do not have a straight answer at this juncture.